In this bleak, depressing talk we will discuss some of the ways computer science and computer security has fallen flat on its face, and how you can avoid making the same mistakes, with just a soupçon of humor for good measure.

We will break these problems down and hopefully learn some important lessons, such as not allowing your door locks to call system(), how to properly secure your corner of the Internet Of Things, a crash course in processor architectures and how they lie to you, and how the inevitable heat-death of the universe is a result of RSA.

Hopefully, you’ll emerge feeling smarter, discussing new topics, and slightly terrified.